i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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