My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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