I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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