I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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