You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
