Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
