In America we eat man semen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
