We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
