dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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