don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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