I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
