the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
