cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
