my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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