Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
