So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize