Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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