god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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