i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
