Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this just has baby written all over it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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