i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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