There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
