The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
