once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
