Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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