Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
