But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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I just blew my weed a kiss
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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