No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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