I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
