i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize