Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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