you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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