my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
