some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
