Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
