I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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