I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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