You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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