dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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