I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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