make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
