watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
