the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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