i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
