I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.