He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is