The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"