So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
