i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
