She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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