i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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