I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
