Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
