oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
