Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
