im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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