are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
