I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Congratulations! We have a period
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
